in a funk

flashback of baby gabe

yesterday was a good day. I cut out a bunch of pieces for Beans.  I felt really inspired.  Putting together different fabrics came easily.

then there was last night.  I got pretty emotional last night.  I don't remember the stages of grieving, but I'm pretty sure I went back to the anger stage.  I wasn't necessarily angry, as much as I didn't think it was fair, she was too young, I am too young, Gabe is too young.

I woke up feeling better.  I didn't have to work today so I was determined to get some sewing done. However, my sewing machine hates me.  The bobbin was jamming.  I refilled it (twice!).  It wouldn't load correctly. I finally got it to load correctly, and now the other thread keeps ripping. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY MACHINE?!?!?!

so, I was going to cut out more pieces, but I just don't feel inspired. No fabrics are looking good together. I'm pretty sad (maybe discouraged) that no one has bought any of the new Beans. I want to buy a new machine, but if the Beans aren't selling then what's the point? I hope this funk doesn't last.

Wordless wednesday

Hey! It's Wednesday again! That means its time for my favorite kind of post, one filled with cute pictures of gabe. Last week, Molly was home for fall break. Gabe and I were so excited to see her and spend some time at Wagner Farm with her.























I still can't resist a shot of a sleeping kiddo. They are just so cute!



-jen

So much for blog-tober

I really wanted to challenge myself by blogging everyday in October. I did pretty good the first week, and then not so much. I feel like that is the story of my life. Take exercising for example, I'm so good the first week or so, and then I totally give up.

I guess that makes me seem like a quitter. I could list all of the reasons why I didn't blog, but those would just be excuses.



I have done other things that i normally wouldn't have done. Wednesday for example, I had a wine night with my sister in law and Mildred. Then Friday, I packed up gabe and drove to Frankfurt to run errands with Alli. Normally I would have passed on wine night and just sat at home on a day off. So maybe I didn't blog, but I did do other things out of my comfort zone.


-jen

Brookfield zoo

We had a really nice family day on Sunday. We went to Brookfield zoo! I personally think that it is closer to our house than Lincoln park zoo (and I just like it better). We have passes, and I really want to get the most out of them.











We went to the dinosaurs alive exhibit. We went a few moths ago with Alli and Mia, and gabe loved it. They move and make noise, and it's really cool. This time....screaming and crying. Thank goodness it was only $7. He wouldn't even let Sidney take a picture of the dinosaurs. This was the only time he was having fun with the dinosaurs, digging for bones.










He does however, love the seals. He always has. I like the seals at Lincoln park, but I love the seals at Brookfield. There's more seals and it is a cooler set-up.







Gabe is super easy to please sometimes. At the zoo or museum, all it takes is something from a mold-a-Rama machine. This one was a kangaroo.




We ended our trip with a little something special for my mom. As long as I can remember, my family has eaten at Russell's. We love it there. I can't get enough of the BBQ sauce. There's a russell's (THE RUSSELL'S) on our way home from the zoo. We ate and talked about our family trips to Russell's. It was really nice and I know that mom was smiling on us.

-jen

Love/Hate the Internet

I really love the Internet because it has helped me reconnect with old friends and make new ones. Although I resisted Facebook at first, I wouldn't have reconnected with my best friend from high school, and Vicky, whom I have known since we were four. I hope that Facebook will help me get new of my new business to more people. Speaking of my new business, there wouldn't be a business if it weren't for the partnering of me and Alli. I wouldn't know Alli if it weren't for instagram. Jorge thought that we were crazy for meeting. {who meets people in person that they are friends with on instagram?} But now, she is one of my closest friends.




I hate the Internet because I feel like I have ADD when I'm online. I can only be on certain sites, for a short amount of time, until I'm bored. I struggled to get PayPal to work, and shit like that just makes me feel stupid and frustrated. A few years ago, I even got in a fight with a friend because of Facebook.





I hardly ever let Molly and conor {the kids I nanny} be on the computer, or even watch tv, but gabe is on the iPad constantly. I have mixed feelings on that too. I know that he is learning {most of the time}, but I also worry that he isn't using his imagination as much.

Anyone else have a love/hate relationship with the Internet or technology?
-jen

A few reasons why I miss mom

I know that my mom is here in spirit. I know that she's looking over me and gabe. However, it's not the same.

Most days, I do really well. I do have huge moments when I feel overwhelmed, and sad and empty. I don't know if most of you know, but my mom was my best friend. I told her {almost} everything. A bad day at work, call mom. Gabe is driving me nuts, call mom. A surprise elimination on Project Runway, call mom. Sunday dinners were mostly spent in the kitchen talking to mom.

Also, I don't always trust my gut instincts and my mom was always there to reassure me. Yes, of course I am a grown up and should make my own decisions, and I guess I'm going to have to do that from now on. I've just never been very confident about things.

There are also some things that I'm upset that she's going to miss. Last year, she got sick around thanksgiving. We had talked about having a day full of cookie baking at our new house. Sidney and I could picture it before we had even moved in. Now, Sidney, gabe and I will have to have the memory without her and that makes me really, really sad.

Thank you everyone for all of your love and support in these past few weeks (and for the weeks to come).

-jen

Final installment

I'm sure you all are getting bored of gabe's birthday party pictures. BUT...I saved the best for last! Later in the evening, after almost all of the kiddos had gone home (and there were ALOT of kiddos), there was a little alcohol involved. I think everyone deserved it!



























Well......maybe there was a little too much alcohol for somebody. But he has been super great and super supportive so he deserved it.

-jen

Part two

Gabe's awesome birthday photo dump continues! Seriously, I think planning this party was a great way to deal with my loss and stress. I do think mom would have wanted me to have it. I asked her while she was in the hospital and she said "it's not like I'm going to haunt you" so I took that as a go-ahead. I think it was pretty successful, and that people had a good time.




Alli and I


Of course there had to be a piñata!








Gabe got to be apart of uncle javi's photo shoot!


Vicky and I





Bill and Jacob


Future Christmas card?
-jen

Wordless Wednesday

This will be part one of gabe's birthday party. It was kinda awesome. I was sad, of course, that mom wasn't there, but for gabe and everyone who came I think it was good. His theme was construction site, although if you ask him he will say it was a princess party (hahahaha!)


























-jen