Tuesday, February 25, 2014

People pleaser

Hi my name is Jen and I'm a people pleaser.

They say the first step in recovery is admitting that you have a problem. I admit it, I people please too much. I worry about myself and my needs or wants last. I would rather have everyone around me happy, even if it means that I am miserable. I have been like this for as long as I can remember.

This has really been evident lately. I'm trying to decide if I want to go to school, leave nannying behind, find a morning nanny job...it has been pretty stressful. Mostly, it's been stressful because I want to make my dad and Jorge happy by going to school. There are moms that I don't want to disappoint by telling them I don't want to be their nanny.

One mom wanted me to work for them a few hours a week, she was convinced that we were a great fit, but her kids didn't even come out of their rooms the whole time I was there. Still I felt horrible telling her it wouldn't work out. I had no desire to work for this family, and I knew it, but I didn't want to disappoint someone or hurt someone's feelings.

Another example happened a few weeks ago. My aunts mom passed away. I wanted to go to the wake. However, the night before I was so overcome thinking about my mom. Jorge said it would probably be too hard on me, having lost mom so recently. I was still determined to go, I didn't want to upset my aunt by not being there. That morning, I was still an emotional wreck. I finally made the choice to think about myself for once. I wouldn't be supportive of my aunt if I walked in crying already. And what about Gabe? He didn't need to see my crying all day. I chose not to go, I still felt bad but not as bad as I would have if I tried to face someone who's mom just passed away.

Hopefully, I will be able to put myself first a little more often now that I've admitted that I have a problem.

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