Saturday, December 28, 2013

This week...ugh

This has been the kind of week where mom not being here makes things suck even more. No, not because of Christmas (I'll get to that) but because of life things that I want her comfort and advice for.

I have bronchitis. It sucks. I've never had it before. It's not like it's a super big deal, but it would be nice to have my mommy. I'm trying to drink a lot of fluids and take the cough medicine every four hours, but I'd love to hear her suggestions on how to make the cough feel not so horrible.

Gabe has been using the potty now for at least two weeks. It's so awesome! Well, except for the fact that he won't poop anymore. He has gone on the potty so I'm not sure what exactly is stopping him now. We have tried giving him a warm bath and we even are telling him he can have candy if he poops. But he is holding steady. We gave him a few chewable laxative things, but they haven't truly worked. I don't want to give him an enema. Sometimes we can barely wipe his butt because he gets so upset, how can I give him an enema??

So, it's silly things like a mom's advice that I'm missing most lately. I hope you guys aren't getting tired of all of the mom posts. I hope everyone had a great Christmas!


Thursday, December 19, 2013

Update on life

Wow! It's been a long time. I have been really busy and not always feeling in a good place. It's hard to blog when you barely have a moment to yourself, and in that moment you are missing mom like crazy.


Update on jorge.....he's doing great! He recovered from surgery really well and really quickly. He's been having a lot of quality time with gabe and I love it (even though I miss gabe terribly) I'm so glad they are getting time together.

Update on dad...he had surgery on his left knee. He's at home, rehabbing and got his staples out yesterday. He's already set up the next surgery for January 20th.

Update on, has that little guy grown. He's potty trained now, something I never thought would happen. He is even using the regular toilet, not the little plastic potty! He sings 'twinkle, twinkle' all of the time. I don't have a whole lot more though, because I'm not spending the time with him that I used to.

Update on me....still plugging away at Beans (kinda. I haven't touched the sewing machine in a week or more). But, Alli and I did really well for our first craft fair. We sold three Beans and a ton of bows! I'm trying to decide on the next step for my future. I want to go back to school, I just haven't had the time to go talk to a counselor yet and see what my options are. I am assuming that I will have to start from scratch since its been so long. I'm also missing mom. We made cookie press cookies last weekend and inside I was a mess. But they turned out good and we will probably make more this weekend (if there's time!)


Monday, November 25, 2013


Yep. You read that right. I'm blogging about poop today.

Isn't it funny how you become a parent and suddenly it becomes second nature to talk about bodily functions? I have conversations with people that I hardly know about gabe's bathroom habits, and wether or not he's using the potty. I've shared on Facebook, Instagram and here pictures of him on the potty. In a way, I feel really bad about this generation of kids. Half naked, potty (or bathtub) pictures are everywhere!

Anyways, back to poop. Jorge had his surgery to reconstruct his colon on Thursday. He also needed to take part of his small bowel out. In order to go home, he needed to start getting his bowels moving. He needed to pass gas and/or poop. When he finally went on Saturday, it was some of the best news. I know I was not the only one fearing the worst out of this hospital stay. I texted a few people the good poop news. He even put it on Facebook. I never thought I'd be so happy about some poop!

Jorge was able to come home yesterday, after keeping a small meal down. I'm so relieved to have the surgery done and have him home.


Friday, November 22, 2013

Can I have a do-over?

2013 has really, really sucked. Well, not just 2013, the past 12 months have sucked.  Last year, I rushed my mom to the hospital with a blood clot. From the blood clot, we discovered that she had lung cancer. She was admitted to the hospital again in December of last year for another cancer related blood clot.

July, Jorge spent two weeks in the hospital. September, mom was admitted to the hospital with terminal lung cancer. Just short of a week later, she passed away. November, again, Jorge is admitted to the hospital for a surgery that we planned on taking place in December.

Seriously, I'm over hospitals. It's not over though. Jorge will be here for a few days. Then, my dad is having surgery on his knee on the 2nd of December. If I don't step foot in a hospital ever again, I will be very happy. (although I kinda want to enter the medical field at some point so....)

Jorge is in a lot of pain right now. He is doing good though. The surgery was a little more than they had anticipated, but it was good it happened now. If we had waited, he might have perforated again and that would have been so much worse.

Thank you everyone for all of your kind words, prayers and thoughts this past year. I appreciated every single one.

 (some flashback friday pics for you)

Monday, November 11, 2013

crying at the mall

Jorge and I were Gabe free for a few hours yesterday.  We ran over to the new outlet mall in Rosemont.  We kinda love it. Anyway, Jorge was talking about how happy his parents were to be watching Gabe. His dad even called and asked if he could take him to the park.  Immediately, tears started welling up in my eyes.

It's moments like that, the ones that catch me off guard, that I feel so empty and so sad for Gabe. I am sad that I lost my mom, but sometimes even sadder that Gabe lost his GB. I've been wearing her thumbprint necklace constantly.

Ok, the tears are creeping in again so I'll leave you with a few of my favorite pictures of mom.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Devil's Lake

As a kid, my family and I, including all of the cousin's on my mom's side, would spend a week in Okee, Wisconsin. One of the highlights of this trip was the day we spent at Devil's Lake. I have taken Jorge there before. Every summer we say that we are going to make a trip up there for the day, and it hasn't happened.  My brother was talking about engagement pictures and how they would have liked to have gotten some at Devil's Lake. I decided that our empty Saturday would be spent there.

Before getting to Devil's Lake, we made a stop in Lodi. Lodi is the town next to Okee. Both of these places are very small and I love it! Stopping in Lodi requires two things, a stop at the sausage shop and a visit to Susie the Duck!

After seeing Susie, we jumped on the ferry. Gabe was not too excited to be in the car, on a boat.  It is the fastest way to travel from Lodi/Okee to Devil's Lake. It is the way we went when we came up to Wisconsin for all of those summers.  There's great memories of checking out the algae on Lake Wisconsin, or looking at the other ferry riders with their ice cream, knowing that we couldn't have any.

We wound up climbing up rock stairs to get to the top of the mountain. It was a real workout. Gabe climbed up some of the way by himself, but he also got a ride some of the way from Jorge.

What a view

we made it!

Awesome shot of the Lake from the top

my family

We ended the day skipping stones on the beach. It really was a perfect day. 

Wednesday, November 6, 2013



sorry, i haven't posted in a while, and now i've got a not so happy one.  I'm kinda jealous (read as really jealous) of people whose grandparents are still alive. I'm even more jealous of people and their moms. How did my family end up like this? Why does cancer have to ruin families?

my mom's parents both passed away from lung cancer. I never got to meet my mom's dad. I have some of the best summer memories of my mom's mom, my grammie. I still miss her so much. I am comforted knowing that my mom is up there with her parents.

Both of my dad's parents have also passed away. My grandma from kidney failure and I'm not sure what the final cause was for my grandpa. He was a strong man, he faced many health problems in his life and overcame them. He was the only grandparent to make it to my wedding. It breaks my heart to this day that I didn't get a picture with him. Most of all, it breaks my heart that none of my grandparents got to meet gabe.

I met up with my "aunt" Lisa tonight. She was my mom's best friend for forever. She was talking about her mom remembering my mom.  All I could think was, "Why do you still have your mom and I can't have mine?" I know how selfish this all seems. Grief is hard and I want to get it out, no matter how selfish it may seem, I can't hold it in. In this blog, I'm supposed to show my true self, and right now, this is it.

Saturday, November 2, 2013


There are those moments that I have to remember. I put gabe to sleep tonight, then went downstairs and wasted hours in front of the tv. I could have been upstairs cuddling with him instead.

Lately, I've been sitting him in front of the tv or giving him the iPad so that I could make Beans. When the day is over, I don't always feel like I accomplished something. More days I start to feel bad because I overlooked the most important thing to me. Gabe.

These moments won't last long. Wanting to 'nuggle' on the couch and have mama read books to him, those moments will be gone before I know it. I've got to step back, reevaluate, and get my priorities in order. Getting Beans made should not come before gabe. I've got to remember that he's only this age for right now, tomorrow he will be a little older. Soon he won't want to snuggle, or play together or even leave his room. Right here, right now, even though I may have other things that need to get done, this is what matters most.


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

in a funk

flashback of baby gabe
yesterday was a good day. I cut out a bunch of pieces for Beans.  I felt really inspired.  Putting together different fabrics came easily.

then there was last night.  I got pretty emotional last night.  I don't remember the stages of grieving, but I'm pretty sure I went back to the anger stage.  I wasn't necessarily angry, as much as I didn't think it was fair, she was too young, I am too young, Gabe is too young.

I woke up feeling better.  I didn't have to work today so I was determined to get some sewing done. However, my sewing machine hates me.  The bobbin was jamming.  I refilled it (twice!).  It wouldn't load correctly. I finally got it to load correctly, and now the other thread keeps ripping. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY MACHINE?!?!?!

so, I was going to cut out more pieces, but I just don't feel inspired. No fabrics are looking good together. I'm pretty sad (maybe discouraged) that no one has bought any of the new Beans. I want to buy a new machine, but if the Beans aren't selling then what's the point? I hope this funk doesn't last.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Wordless wednesday

Hey! It's Wednesday again! That means its time for my favorite kind of post, one filled with cute pictures of gabe. Last week, Molly was home for fall break. Gabe and I were so excited to see her and spend some time at Wagner Farm with her.

I still can't resist a shot of a sleeping kiddo. They are just so cute!


Monday, October 14, 2013

So much for blog-tober

I really wanted to challenge myself by blogging everyday in October. I did pretty good the first week, and then not so much. I feel like that is the story of my life. Take exercising for example, I'm so good the first week or so, and then I totally give up.

I guess that makes me seem like a quitter. I could list all of the reasons why I didn't blog, but those would just be excuses.

I have done other things that i normally wouldn't have done. Wednesday for example, I had a wine night with my sister in law and Mildred. Then Friday, I packed up gabe and drove to Frankfurt to run errands with Alli. Normally I would have passed on wine night and just sat at home on a day off. So maybe I didn't blog, but I did do other things out of my comfort zone.


Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Brookfield zoo

We had a really nice family day on Sunday. We went to Brookfield zoo! I personally think that it is closer to our house than Lincoln park zoo (and I just like it better). We have passes, and I really want to get the most out of them.

We went to the dinosaurs alive exhibit. We went a few moths ago with Alli and Mia, and gabe loved it. They move and make noise, and it's really cool. This time....screaming and crying. Thank goodness it was only $7. He wouldn't even let Sidney take a picture of the dinosaurs. This was the only time he was having fun with the dinosaurs, digging for bones.

He does however, love the seals. He always has. I like the seals at Lincoln park, but I love the seals at Brookfield. There's more seals and it is a cooler set-up.

Gabe is super easy to please sometimes. At the zoo or museum, all it takes is something from a mold-a-Rama machine. This one was a kangaroo.

We ended our trip with a little something special for my mom. As long as I can remember, my family has eaten at Russell's. We love it there. I can't get enough of the BBQ sauce. There's a russell's (THE RUSSELL'S) on our way home from the zoo. We ate and talked about our family trips to Russell's. It was really nice and I know that mom was smiling on us.