Shut down

Since my last blog post, I've felt very shut down. All of my energy was focused on the Portage Park art fair. I was desperately trying to ignore both my mom's birthday and her one year anniversary (that landed on the Sunday of the fair). Then, once the fair was over, I was just drained. I've had zero motivation. Gabe's birthday party is this weekend and I have almost nothing ready. I feel very badly about it too.

I don't know how to jump start things. I have a few orders for Beans, but they are people I know so I'm kinda dragging my ass making them (sorry Lori, pat and Anicia). I kinda cleaned the hose last weekend, but there's still a lot to do. I hope this funk ends soon. I don't like this feeling and yet I can't shake it off.


-jen

I have a blog?

I know. I almost forgot that I used to blog too. I miss it some days, but I am pretty short on time these days. A lot has changed since I last blogged in July.

* scaredy cat gabe rode rides at Santa's Village









* gabe also loved being on a boat in Lake Geneva. He wouldn't get in the water, but he absolutely loved the boat.








*my little brother got married!





* we went to the fountains at millennium park a few times








*gabe started 3 year old preschool (and loves it!)



I really hope I'll be able to start blogging more regularly again. I'm kinda busy preparing for two craft shows I have coming up (come and say hi!) and having a one year old (the kid I nanny) doesn't leave a whole lot of extra time. But, my goal is to try and blog during nap time. Let's hope it works! Have a great Tuesday!

-jen

I have the mean kid

Yep. It's official. I have the bully, the mean kid, the kid that other parents don't want their kids to be around. (Ok, that hasn't happened...yet).

Gabe has pushed baby L down since he started standing. Hell, even when he was sitting. After he pushes poor baby L down, he does this crazy, evil laugh. If I'm in the kitchen, I know what's happening just from gabe's laugh. I've tried time out. I've warned him. I've threatened taking things away. I've even taken away the iPad for the day. This hasn't deterred Gabe.

We had our annual 3rd of July party. There were tons of kids. Gabe pushed miles down, laughed crazily and then looked at miles' mom and said "I did that". WTF?! Seriously. My kid can be such a sweetheart and then so evil. Should I be worried? Any suggestions?
-jen

Much better

***I could not publish this post with any pictures! My app kept saying they were not able to be uploaded***


I haven't blogged since that crazy post a few weeks ago. I have calmed down since then. I realized my family is the most important thing and I need to put them first. Getting a tattoo or having crazy hair isn't going to change anything in the long run. it would be like retail therapy, at the moment it feels good, but then you're left with buyers remorse and an empty wallet.


Gabe and I have been having a ton of adventures with baby L. We have been to the zoo a handful of times and met up with friends at different parks. This is going to be one fun summer!





-jen

lost

I was originally going to write this post as my last post. I don't have the time to blog lately. I was also disappointed with the way the pictures were coming out when I blogged from my app on my phone or iPad.  However, sitting here, I am just overwhelmed with how lost I have been feeling lately.

I asked Jorge today about the possibility of moving, like moving far away, even if it's just for a year or two. I feel like nothing is here for me. Yes, I like my job, but it's not really what I want. Yes, I have friends, but it's hard to hang out sometimes because we all lack babysitters. My dad is moving to Florida in a month.  Tim and I are close, but not like hang out kinda close. I have never been one to have wanderlust, but I have something right now.

Or maybe I want to dye my hair and shave half my head. Or maybe I want to get a chest tattoo. Or maybe I just want to be able to travel and not move. I just don't know. The funny thing is, I have been going out with friends more, Jorge and I even went out on a date last night. I guess I just want something DIFFERENT, I just don't know what.

C2E2

Jorge has been going to comic conventions for a long time. Usually he goes with one of his friends or takes Sidney and jasmin. He's been wanting to take Gabe since Gabe was born. I have never been. Jorge can get a little bit of tunnel vision when he's around this kind of stuff and I didn't want to just be following him the whole day. (I've kinda boycotted the flea market because he has to walk the whole thing, even if it's hot or there's not a lot of good vendors).



















Anyways, this year I agreed to go on Sunday because it's kids day. We searched for a good costume for Gabe, but the Disney store's stuff was so expensive for one day (because there's only a slim chance it would still fit by Halloween). We decided he would be Finn from 'Adventure Time'. His whole costume only cost $20 and he can wear everything again! (Score!)































Everyone at C2E2 loved gabe's costume!! They kept saying things like "he's so cute! Look! At little Finn!" If he were more outgoing I'm sure people would have wanted to take his picture. He wore his costume, but he was still shy gabe.
We did convince him to take a few pictures with some people though.

I surprisingly had A LOT of fun! I want to go again next year. I would like to dress up too. Maybe I could be a steampunk version of tinkerbell? I think Sidney is going to be Harley Quinn. We've got to plan our costumes, the past two years she's made hers kinda last minute.

jen

I'm a big kid now

It's official. I have a child, not a toddler, not a baby. There have been a lot of changes lately for my little man. Sometimes, I forget how little he still is because he does other things that make me think he's so much older.

We went to the dr last week. Gabe needed a checkup before we could register him for school. We didn't go to his three year old checkup, so this was the first trip to the doctor since he was two (maybe two and a half). He always cried at the doctor. They could have been doing easy things like weighing him or taking his temp, and he cried. This time, he was such a great kid. He did everything they asked without any kind of fear. He even got a shot with out crying or screaming. All he said was ouch!

There's been another new development that I've been hesitant to blog about because I don't want to jinx it...gabe is sleeping in his own bed!!!! About two weeks ago he said he wanted to sleep in his bed. We brought his bed in our room and he went to sleep in his bed! He came in our bed sometime during the night, but that was the first time that he fell asleep in his bed without Jorge or I rubbing his back or holding his hand. The next night, he spent the whole night in his bed! With one or two exceptions, he has fallen asleep in his own bed and spent the entire night there!





He's been really great with baby L as well. He helps hold his bottle and he plays with him. I'm glad he's enjoying our new job so much. He still asks about Molly's house, and can even tell you which way it is when we are in glenview! I think he's so smart, but I'm a little biased.

The final change in my big kid is the fact that he registered to start preschool in the fall! If he could have it his way, he'd be starting right now. We've had to go to school a few times and he's always telling me about wanting to meet his teacher, wear his backpack, go on a school bus and play on the playground. He has to do an assessment at the end of the month, and I'm pretty sure he will pass with flying colors (if he can sit still long enough).



-jen

We're off to the Shedd

Friday was a great day! Gabe and I went to the aquarium with baby L and his family. I love the aquarium, but it is soooo expensive. It would be over $100 for the four of us to go! The last time we went to the aquarium, Gabe was so young he doesn't even remember it.

So little time

Wow! I have a new-found appreciation for moms with two little kids. Between Gabe and 8 month old baby L, I'm wiped out when I get home at six. The really great part is being so close to home, I'm not wasting half of my evening traveling. It takes 7 minutes to get home and that's because I have to drive around the block.










Baby L is starting to army crawl. I remember when Gabe was army crawling he used to make the funniest faces! Being on the move is great but also kinda sucks. He's not happy in his jumper anymore and Gabe is always trying to crawl with him, sometimes getting in his way. (Who am I kidding? Gabe intentionally gets in baby L's way) there is a lot of jealousy going on for sure. I try and make time to cuddle with Gabe while the baby is sleeping though.

There's also been a lot going on family wise. My dad might be moving, Tim's getting married, and I actually have time to hang out with friends now, so I've had a little less time to blog. I know I've said
this before, but I'm really going to try harder to blog more often.

Happy Easter everyone!

-jen

Smoking

Let's be honest, my mom died because of smoking. I have never liked smoking and have never smoked a single cigarette in my life. I don't understand why people smoke, but I guess some people don't understand why I love coffee so much.




Growing up in a house of smoke for 25 years, I never realized what it was doing to things. For example, we took a tv from my mom when we moved. We cleaned and cleaned, it had that much smoke residue on it. It smelled faintly of smoke too. When we would go over for Sunday dinners, I would notice that we smelled like smoke once we got home. I cannot believe that for 25 years I smelled like smoke and I never knew it.

I'm honestly kind of disgusted by people who smoke. You are poisoning your body and possibly the bodies of the people around you. It doesn't really make it better if you smoke outside, you're still smoking. I really wanted mom to stop smoking once Gabe was born, but she didn't. She always tried to smoke away from him, but she wouldn't give it up, no matter how much I begged her. I wonder if she would still be here if she had quit for Gabe. I also wonder how much I need to worry about my own lung health because I lived with second hand smoke for such a long time.

I don't want to be preachy or anything and I'm sorry if it comes off that way. Smoking has taken many people from me. Before I was born, my mom's dad died from lung cancer. In 2005, my mom's mom also died from lung cancer. I still don't understand how my mom didn't stop smoking at that moment. Honestly, I'm more terrified when I think about so many people on my mom's side dying from lung cancer. I feel like I must be more susceptible to it. I hope this post changes just one person's mind about lighting their next cigarette.

I work out...

Kinda.

Back in February, Jorge and I ordered T25. It's by the same people who do P90X and Beachbody, except that it's only 25 minutes. For someone like me 25 minutes is perfect.

Except.

Life seems to keep getting in the way. I know. If I really wanted to work out I'd make the time. I get up at 6:45 for work and then don't get home until 6. I have to get dinner ready for the natives, eat and then it's usually gabe's bedtime. I can't really do it in the morning because Gabe will more than likely wake up if I'm not in bed with him and I can't hear him in the basement. I can do it *most* evenings, but not always. We've been at friends houses until 10, gone grocery shopping in the evening and I've worked late just this week alone.

I'm really wanting to work out, I'm just having trouble finding the time. In the evenings I usually sew or catch up on social media or tv (usually a combo of the three). I get that I could do those after, but I'm already up until 11 doing those things. If I work out it will be that much later.

Typing that made me really see how many excuses I make for myself. I guess I'm not as motivated as I think I am. Hopefully in a month I will have better news to report.

-jen

Wordless Wednesday

Gabe had a lot of fun feeding baby L the other day...









He also got pretty goofy....













-jen

Choking

I've been around kids for a very long time. I started working at a Montessori school when I was 20. I have babysat, taught and nannied at least a dozen children. I have been hit, pinched, bit and kicked. I have been yelled at. I have had tiny bodies flung at me. I have never before been choked by a child. Until now.

I don't know where he picked it up (not from us...seriously!) but when gabe gets upset he reaches out and chokes me. It's happened twice now. The first time I was stooped down talking to him about going to the bathroom by yourself and not with your friends. He was upset. He screamed no and then lunged at me with his hands around my throat. The second time, was this past weekend when it was time for bed. I brought him to the basement to say goodnight to Sidney and he was very tired and very upset. He was crying and screaming. As I was trying to get him up the stairs, he somehow wriggled out of my arms and was facing me. I'm was gently telling him it was bedtime. Sidney was even trying to help. Then he lunged again and choked me. I pulled away and he did it again! I scooped him up like a football and got him into bed.

I am unsure if what to do. It's kinda scary. Kids can have super strength sometimes. and not knowing where he learned it, I don't know what to make sure he doesn't see again. If it was a cartoon or something, I would just make sure we didn't watch that one, but I am at a loss. I'd greatly appreciate suggestions. As far as I know, he hasn't tried with with anyone else.


-jen

Broken

Last night, my heart broke into a million pieces. We were out eating and I asked Sidney to get me some more pop. Gabe heard me say papa and asked where he was. I told him that papa was at home and Gabe asked if GB was there too. I gave him a hug and said "no, baby she's in heaven". He looked at me with these huge eyes and asked "but why does she have to be in heaven?" I nearly lost it. I didn't even know what to say.

Sometimes, it just hits me. I want to cry, but the tears won't come. All I feel is empty and lost and sad.
-jen

Pretty great night

Tonight we had a family outing. It's not easy to get two parents, a teenager and a 3 year old to agree on a night out, but we succeeded. Ok, truth be told, the outing was for gabe, but we went and enjoyed it as a family. We went to princess and pirate, Disney Junior Live!






There was a part about Sophia and one about jake. Gabe was a little hesitant when the turned the lights off, (he really has a thing against Mickey and Minnie and of course they had to come out and introduce Sophia). He screamed once, a vast improvement over Disney on Ice. For a bit, we just didn't talk to him and he seemed to be doing ok. At the end of Sophia, she grows (it's kinda creepy actually) and sings and gabe actually shouted "look! Sophia got so big!" This felt like such an accomplishment!






He did really good during Jake and the never land pirates. He sat on my lap, wasn't scared of captain hook and was even smiling. The best part was when tick tock crock came out and he started laughing and giggling! My heart burst into a million pieces. Maybe he wasn't up dancing and singing like the kid next to us, but he was having a good time.

When we left he said "that was so awesome!" (heart bursting)



-jen