jealous

  

sorry, i haven't posted in a while, and now i've got a not so happy one.  I'm kinda jealous (read as really jealous) of people whose grandparents are still alive. I'm even more jealous of people and their moms. How did my family end up like this? Why does cancer have to ruin families?

my mom's parents both passed away from lung cancer. I never got to meet my mom's dad. I have some of the best summer memories of my mom's mom, my grammie. I still miss her so much. I am comforted knowing that my mom is up there with her parents.

Both of my dad's parents have also passed away. My grandma from kidney failure and I'm not sure what the final cause was for my grandpa. He was a strong man, he faced many health problems in his life and overcame them. He was the only grandparent to make it to my wedding. It breaks my heart to this day that I didn't get a picture with him. Most of all, it breaks my heart that none of my grandparents got to meet gabe.

I met up with my "aunt" Lisa tonight. She was my mom's best friend for forever. She was talking about her mom remembering my mom.  All I could think was, "Why do you still have your mom and I can't have mine?" I know how selfish this all seems. Grief is hard and I want to get it out, no matter how selfish it may seem, I can't hold it in. In this blog, I'm supposed to show my true self, and right now, this is it.