Broken

Last night, my heart broke into a million pieces. We were out eating and I asked Sidney to get me some more pop. Gabe heard me say papa and asked where he was. I told him that papa was at home and Gabe asked if GB was there too. I gave him a hug and said "no, baby she's in heaven". He looked at me with these huge eyes and asked "but why does she have to be in heaven?" I nearly lost it. I didn't even know what to say.

Sometimes, it just hits me. I want to cry, but the tears won't come. All I feel is empty and lost and sad.
-jen